…It’s a question I imagine most Professional Dommes are asked as regularly as I am. Which, in case you’re wondering, is at least every few days. At first glance it looks like a reasonable question; you’re interested in a Dominatrix but you want to know whether she’s really into it, or whether she’s just playing a role to make money.
What answer do you hope for? That I am indeed lifestyle, I bathe exclusively in the tears of my captive minions, never lift a finger in my daily life, am served by an army of dedicated servants who would never dare lift their (tearful) eyes to make contact with mine and spend all my time leather- or latex-clad in towering stiletto heels? That I operate an open house to any slave who prostrates himself at my feet and offers himself into my ownership, regardless of whether he’s actually of any worth to me?
Or perhaps you (a stranger to me) want to know all about the inner workings of my private life? Perhaps there’s an overbearing Alpha Male behind the scenes controlling proceedings? Or maybe I have a filthy rich yet minutely endowed and severely cuckolded husband locked away in the attic? Perhaps when I finish my last session of the day I slip off my Louboutins and go back to my dull vanilla housewife existence, or perhaps I keep the Louboutins on and head out to drink ridiculously expensive champagne I’m not paying for with my crazy Dominatrix girlfriends, leaving a trail of frustrated and used males in our wake.
Do I ever have “normal” sex? Am I lesbian? Do I have a husband? How much do I earn per year? Do I work another job too? How much did my house cost? Do I own or rent my dungeon? How do I keep my [presumably shameful] job secret from my family? These are just a few of the incredibly rude and utterly inappropriate questions I have been asked either over email or social media by total strangers or by somebody I have just met in person for the first time. I wonder whether you’d ask your accountant these same types of question and then attempt to call them out when they won’t do your books for free on their weekend off? “You’re not a true accountant! You’re just doing my tax return to make money from me, you mercenary bastard!”
But I digress. Back to my main point – the Lifestyle question. In my experience, more often than not it tends to be asked by people who don’t like the idea of paying a Professional Dominatrix for her time. The presumed assumption being that if I’m lifestyle, I should want to dominate any person who expresses an interest in me for free, on their terms. If I want paying, well, I’m just not lifestyle and the Pro Domme shaming begins! I’ve lost count of the number of times a supposedly “devoted long-time worthless worm admirer” has tried to shame me when I have raised the spectre of him having to actually give something back to me in return for my time spent fulfilling his every fantasy. If I was truly Lifestyle, it would all be for free, right?
So I’d like to put this to bed once and for all: am I Lifestyle? Yes I am. And that means that I choose precisely what I do, when, with whom and for what transaction. Some days I do have a man in a frilly maid’s dress do the cleaning for me, sometimes I do it myself. Sometimes I spend the weekend with a prisoner locked in my cellar whom I occasionally tease and torment before once more abandoning him in the darkness, sometimes I don’t. Either way, nobody is entitled to my time and expertise for free, just because they identify as a submissive.
It’s been a bit quiet on my blog lately – I’m having a rather busy time of it as many of you know – so it’s high time I updated you with some session dates for your diaries…
First up, my gorgeous friend Rebekah Dee is here on Saturday 12th November. We have a pretty packed day already planned, but might be able to squeeze in one more session in the early evening if somebody tickles our fancy.
Later in November, from 24th-26th, my sadistic partner-in-crime Chloe Lovette is here again. We’re holding double sessions, but there are also opportunities for Chloe’s many admirers to visit her alone whilst I’m otherwise engaged.
Chloe is back on 9th December, but this time we are being joined by Mistress Jennie to form a triple-domme dream team. Where would you begin if you were ordered to kiss our shoes?!
…And finally (for now!) Chloe is here for the whole week leading up to Christmas weekend. We’ve got lots of festive fun and games planned, with both private sessions and a little femdom Christmas gathering with some of our dominatrix friends on the cards.
If you’d like to be considered for any of the above, new visitors may get in touch via the session request form at mistresswhiplash.co.uk and those who have visited before may use the normal modes of contact. Single sessions with me are fully booked for the next few weeks but opportunities are available again from end of November onwards.
Me and Chloe recently took part in a really fun session with TV dominatrix Ms. S. and we all completely overpowered and ruined our unlucky sub. We enjoyed ourselves so much that Ms. S. will definitely be returning and is available to join forces with me/us for BDSM sessions of all kinds, including forced bi (she has a magnificent appendage which I have to admit I’m rather jealous of, but I don’t envy you subs if she tries to deepthroat you with it!)
You can organise your visit – and defiling – by filling out my session contact form or contacting me directly if we’ve already met.
Well, it’s September, which means my birthday is fast approaching. Whilst I never expect or demand gifts, I’ve compiled a couple of wish lists for those of you who would like to get me a little (or large) something and don’t know where to start…
You can always treat me AND yourself at the same time by joining my website or buying a clip (or 10) at my Clips4Sale store.
My Amazon wish list, with something for every budget. A mix of sexy and useful things on here. (I’ve been trying to train my cockatiels to pout their beaks and raise their middle flight feathers like good little FinDommes but they’re not doing very well… If someone could get them some food anyway please, that’d be grand!)
My Delivery Code wish list, full of sexy lingerie and shoes. As you can see, I don’t have quite enough shoes yet – hee hee.
Happy shopping! And remember, it’s the shoesthought that counts!
Chloe will be available for single sessions, double sessions with me, and also limited filmed sessions with us both.
September 23 Miss Jessica Wood
Jessica will be available for double sessions with me, and we will also consider filmed sessions.
September 29&30 Miss Chloe
Chloe is back in late September and available for sessions alone or along with me for double sessions. There is also an exciting opportunity for 2 other dommes to join us on Friday 30th to really marmalise one (un?)lucky soul!
October 15 Lady Bellatrix
I’ve been looking forward to collaborating with Lady Bellatrix for quite some time, and we’ve finally set a date for filmed and private sessions. This promises to be a popular day, so book your place early to avoid disappointment.
Please note, for all filmed sessions, a tribute is payable by all visitors we haven’t met and sessioned with previously.
You can request a session by filling out the session contact form at mistresswhiplash.co.uk or by emailing me direct if you have visited before.
So, you’ve had a reply to your initial request. What now? Well, there’ll be various things to sort out at this point, such as paying a deposit (I’ve blogged about this before, here) and discussing the final details of your session.
I usually find that if somebody is genuinely planning to visit me, we’ll get to a point where they have made their booking payment and we are all set within about 4-5 emails in each direction. If you do get a positive reply to your initial request then you’ve made a good first impression, but that can be ruined pretty easily if you suddenly change your requests, don’t follow clear instructions, or become too demanding.
I don’t check my emails that regularly – some days I don’t get a chance to look at all, or just get time to skim through senders and subject lines to see if there’s anything urgent. What’s pretty irritating when I do get time to sit at my desk and clear my inbox – with a cuppa and a human footrest, naturally – is seeing a whole heap of emails from the same person, sent in quick succession, expecting an immediate answer from me 24/7 regarding their potential one hour session in six weeks’ time. For example:
From: Nikki Sent: 23 July 2016 15:58 To: Slave Persistent Subject: Re: Session in six weeks from now
Yes, that sounds good to me. Let me know if you prefer to visit at 1pm or 3pm on that date.
From: Slave Persistent Sent: 25 July 2016 21:45 To: Nikki Subject: Re: Session in six weeks from now
3pm please. Is it OK for me to bring my pink frilly maid’s outfit with me, please?
From: Slave Persistent Sent: 25 July 2016 21:56 To: Nikki Subject: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now
Why haven’t you replied to my email?
From: Slave Persistent Sent: 25 July 2016 22:34 To: Nikki Subject: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now
Have I upset you somehow?
From: Slave Persistent Sent: 25 July 2016 23:56 To: Nikki Subject: Fw: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now
From: Slave Persistent Sent: 26 July 2016 05:56 To: Nikki Subject: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now
You still haven’t answered my email and it’s been ages since I last heard from you. Are we still on for my visit in 6 weeks from now??????????? I will have to cancel if I don’t hear back from you soon.
From: Slave Persistent Sent: 26 July 2016 06:31 To: Nikki Subject: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now
Don’t worry about it, I’ll find another Mistress who is more interested in keeping her slaves happy as you clearly aren’t. You’ve missed out, I would have been the best slave you ever had, I was ready to give up everything in order to serve you. I am the most considerate and least selfish slave you could ever hope to have had serve you. You blew it big time and you will regret it, trust me! I’ll be spending all my money and time on Mistress ****** in future, she’s a far better Dominatrix than you anyway and much younger and prettier not to mention the fact that she charges £10 per hour less. I never wanted to see you anyway.
…As you can imagine, these types of emails leave me inconsolable.
A good example of not following instructions is how some people behave when they’re given my phone number. You will be given it once you have made a booking payment, in case you need it on the day of the session. You aren’t given it so that you can immediately (even if it’s past midnight – Dominatrixes are nocturnal satan worshippers anyway, right?) bombard me with text messages or whatsapps which you’ve probably typed sat on the loo with your cock in your hand, a month or more in advance of your 1 hour session with me. There is also no need to text me at 05:36 each and every morning just to say good morning and (presumably) try to earn sub points by demonstrating what a clever boy you are for waking up earlier than any of my other subs. You didn’t anyway, the others all texted me at 05:35. It’s all pretty harmless as the phone is permanently kept on silent and left in the dungeon anyway, but it does blot your copybook somewhat when I do get round to looking at it.
If I reply in the positive about your session request but state that I can’t make the exact dates and times you listed, it’s probably better not to email me back to say you’ve found a younger/slimmer/prettier/cleverer dominatrix who isn’t such a cow and CAN fit in with your schedule. Especially not if you plan to contact me again in the future about that session you wanted with me and actually expect a reply. Likewise, if I reply that most of what you requested is fine by me but there is something on your list which I won’t do, it’s better not to tell me that Mistress ****** does it and I should too or you will visit her instead of me. Different Mistresses have different limits, and we’re highly unlikely to change them because you said we should or threatened to go elsewhere to be “submissive” if we don’t agree to dominate you how you want.
Here’s an interesting phenomenon: some guys think their particular kink is tamer/easier/nicer for the Mistress to cater for than others, and therefore that she shouldn’t charge her usual rate for her time when performing their session. “Why so much just for ******?” I hear you cry! (****** in this case can be anything from foot worship, spanking or sploshing someone with a caterer’s size vat of baked beans, to sissy maid training or keeping someone incarcerated in my cell for 72 hours!) The answer is pretty simple – whatever your fantasy, I will be giving up my time to fulfil it for you. Also, please don’t be judgemental about other people’s fetishes – thankfully everyone is different and no fetish is worse/better than any other.
Following on from this, attempts to negotiate over session tributes are also a sure fire way to put me off wanting you to visit me. If you want to come to see me – to show your submission and express your admiration – you’re going to need to show me that you think my time is worth what I think my time is worth and not less. I never ever haggle, and see attempts to do so as a sign that you are not somebody I will want in my presence. If you can’t afford a session with me at the moment that’s fine, you can tell me so politely and I will not take offence in any way.
It’s also worth noting that I discuss sessions in an open and matter of fact way, but I will not be drawn into role-play over email – you’re not going to be talked dirty to, or given an erotic blow-by-blow account of what I’m going to do to you. Neither should you want or expect this – firstly, the session won’t be as much fun if you know exactly what’s going to happen, and secondly you should recognise that up until a point where my time is being paid for by you, I shouldn’t be expected to “play” with you. If you want an idea of the types of things I do and my demeanour, you can watch any of the thousands of videos of me in action on either my own or other femdom websites which I feature on.
If you can discuss our forthcoming session sensibly and sanely, can follow simple instructions as to paying a deposit and turning up for your session, then we should get to the point where everything is organised and we are looking forward to meeting pretty quickly and easily. Please always remember that the main thing here is that we ENJOY ourselves, femdom is meant to be fulfilling and fun for both sides, and my theory is that if we can’t get through the process of organising a meeting pretty painlessly then we shouldn’t meet at all.
When contacting a Mistress, it’s important that you can let her know that you’re the kind of guy she is going to be happy spending a couple of hours of her life in a small dimly-lit room with. I’m aware that all Mistresses have different contact methods and vetting processes, so the following post specifically applies to contacting me rather than being a general guide, but you may find it a useful insight whether it’s me you’re considering applying to or somebody else entirely.
Mode of contact:
If your chosen Mistress states that she only sees people who have filled out her session contact form successfully, that will generally be a good place to start. I have a form on my website which will give me all the information I initially require from you in order to decide whether to take a discussion further; useful stuff like your experience and what you’re into, your health status, your availability and of course what you’re hoping for if you attend a session with me. It’s amazing how many people send a one-word or single sentence email as their introduction: “hey!”, “r u free now 07714 56****” or “how much 4 half hr wiv hj” – needless to say, these don’t get a response. I also don’t discuss private session details on social media, and asking me to do so there just shows that you haven’t actually bothered to read my bio, which gives the appropriate details for contacting me. In a nutshell, using any method to try to arrange meeting me other than the method I have specifically asked you to use will mean you have already failed your first test. A Mistress will probably state if she prefers email, phone call or text message, and you should contact her according to her preferred method.
Filling out my session contact form:
Once you get as far as filling out the session contact form, please make sure you fill it out as fully as you can, but without giving me a lot of unnecessary detail. I don’t particularly need to know your educational level, your penis girth, the name of every other Dominatrix you’ve ever met or whether you’re really, really goodlooking. What I do want to know is:
1. Whether you’ve had sessions before or are brand new to the scene – either is fine, it’s just handy to know where you’re coming from in terms of experience.
2. Whether you’ve got any health issues I need to be aware of – again, I’m not going to say no to seeing you if you have a health problem, but I do need to be aware if you are likely to have fresh stitches which are going to burst open when I trample you (yep – that happened!), have diabetes, are prone to panic attacks when confined, or may have access issues when you visit me.
3. What you’re into and what you hope to experience. I’m not talking about a full script for a 1-hour session here, but enough detail for me to decide whether our interests match up. I give a handy checklist of possible session pursuits, plus a box where you can enter your own, plus a box entitled “ideal session” where you can tell me what you have in your mind’s eye when you think about having a domination session with me. Here are a couple of examples of the kinds of responses I get:
Enquiry: This is a genuine enquiry about a possible session
Experience: None – I am a beginner.
Health: Yes – I am in good health and have no medical conditions
Medical I have no medical conditions relevant to my participation in a BDSM session.
other activity? None
Ideal session kicked until my balls pop
Question how will you make sure I am actually castrated by the end
This doesn’t tell me much, apart from the fact you are young and inexperienced and have not thought past the fantasy of your fetish yet. Either that or you are serious and you need help from somebody with qualifications other than mine! It’s an example of an application which won’t be replied to, as you’re unlikely to actually come along to a session (plus, I know for a FACT I’m not going to fulfil that particular fantasy for you as I don’t fancy the cleanup afterwards!)
Enquiry: This is a genuine enquiry about a possible session
Experience: I have had lots of sessions and know what to expect.
Health: No – I have medical conditions as listed below:
Medical Weak left knee which makes kneeling for long periods impossible.
Activities Spanking & CP
other activity? Corner time and lines
Ideal session A CP roleplay where I am a wayward employee who is brought into line with a reprimand and spanking from my strict executive boss. I find I can take a good level of caning (36-48 strokes or more at your discretion, I am happy for you to leave your mark) if I’m thoroughly warmed up first either over the knee or bent over my boss’s desk to receive a hand spanking and paddling.
Question Do you still have your smoked dragon cane with the purple handle? I’d love to experience it if so.
…This type of application is great, as I have a good idea of what you’re hoping for right away, without having to coax it out of you over a series of emails, which could take weeks (and which unfortunately I don’t have time to do.) If what you’ve described sounds like fun and fits within my limits, you’ll be sure to get a reply.
What you’re asking me for:
When you request your session, please make sure you’ve read all my session dos and don’ts in advance – there is no point wasting anyone’s time by asking me to do something I’ve already stated I don’t do. One thing I get asked for over and over is smoking sessions despite me clearly saying on my website (which you should’ve read in full before contacting me) that I never do it. I’m not just going to wake up one morning and think “fuck the asthma, I’ll do this chain smoking human ashtray session for this chap as he seems so nice and also he’s told me he’s really really goodlooking with a large penis too.” Requests like this just show me that you’re not interested in seeing me and that you couldn’t be bothered to read my website (see my blog about why this matters here).
If you’ve scoured my website from end to end, and you can find no mention of your fetish anywhere, either in the dos or don’ts, and you think it’s something you can respectfully ask me to consider and fits within the kind of boundaries of what you do know I find acceptable, then by all means contact me and do so. I can’t possibly write an exhaustive list of everything I am happy to do (I may not have even come across your particular fetish before!) and as long as you ask politely I will respond similarly, even if it’s just to say no thank you.
And finally… A Mistress likes to feel special!
Some of you will no doubt be amazed to find out that Mistresses can generally smell a cut ‘n’ paste session request at 50 paces… Whether it’s because you’ve forgotten to amend the “Dear Miss Jessica” on the top of the email you’ve sent to me, or because you’ve tried to save on e-postage and cyberglue by CCing us all in on the same generic “Heeeeyyy Godess” email. Next time try using BCC, it might help. Slightly. Maybe.
As many of you know and have experienced, I do like ganging up with some of my friends from time to time – double (and triple, and more!) sessions with likeminded Mistresses can generate a great energy and buzz (not to mention the fact that – fucking machines aside – it’s kind of tricky to spitroast somebody on your own!)
All the Mistresses I session with on a regular basis are my long-term personal friends and we have a real rapport which makes a big difference in sessions – we know what the other is thinking without having to communicate, plus we love spending time together, whether it’s having our feet worshipped whilst we chat with a glass of bubbly or flogging someone to within an inch of their life!
If you’d like to experience this, I currently hold sessions with…
Yes, that’s right, Friday is so close you can almost smell it! And to get you there, there are plenty of new clips available for members of my sites:
On MistressWhiplash.com , there is a slave in the trample pit and he’s about to find out what it’s like to be walked all over on by me and Fetish Liza in our sexy, super spiky Louboutins! Needless to say we don’t hold back and leave him peppered with heel marks.
Meanwhile, on Facesitting Bitches, Mistress Tess decides to use a human chair to sit on in the throne room! Sometimes a face is much more fun to sit on than a boring old chair!
…Whilst on Ballbusting World, Chloe and Axa give Nadman a monumental ballkicking – well, that’s what you get for being a player!